How the 0-16 Browns finessed the entire NFL

Which QB will the Browns take with the first overall pick? Every analyst from Kiper to McShay to Tanner and Shea have been wondering this for months. Josh Allen? The 6’5″ “Pardon My Take” darling from Wyoming with big hands? Sam Darnold? Or UCLA’s supremely overconfident Josh “I’m gonna break Tom Brady’s record” Rosen? We had the Browns all figured out.

And then they flipped the script.

Look, if you had told me even yesterday that today I would be writing about how the Browns – in the span of an hour and a half – won the offseason; I would’ve dusted off a thesaurus to find the appropriate synonym for how hard I would’ve laughed in your face. (Guffawed). But here I am.

I checked my phone around 4:30 today to the notification “Dolphins trade WR Jarvis Landry to the Browns for two picks.” Oooooh. That was sexy. Which gassed up rookie QB is going to be launching spirals into reception-machine Jarvis Landry in Cleveland next year? I felt bad for Landry though, because we all know Cleveland is a shithole and also it’s where players go to die.

But then, out of nowhere, at 6:00PM, the Browns got something they haven’t had in my living memory. An above .500, proven, and even substantially understated quarterback. “Bills agree to trade Tyrod Taylor to the Browns for mid-round pick.”

Holy shit.

In about 90 minutes, the Browns went from being an offense of question marks to an offense with two elite wide outs in Landry and Josh Gordon, and a quarterback who, in the last 2 seasons, has thrown 3.45 TDs for every interception. Oh and as I was typing this they got cornerback Damarious Randall.

And they did all of this before free agency even started. And they didn’t give up any draft pick in the first two rounds. Which includes the first and fourth overall picks. Saquon Barkley might want to start checking real estate in Cleveland… Never thought I’d say this, but well done Browns.

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